Musings on Thomas the Train

P is in love with Thomas the Train, as I am sure that many 3-year-old boys tend to be. Chuffing and fizzling and shunting and buffering and heaving are all involved in his imaginative play at some point during the day.

Me: 'What are you up to?'
P: 'I'm chuffing down to the docks to pick up my load of freight for the kitchen'.
Me: (In an attempt to add a little pizzazz) 'Alright but be careful not to go too fast and de-rail!'
P: 'No. No Mom. We aren't playing that right now. Please leave me be.'

I have sat through my fair share of Thomas and Friends episodes - the new ones. The old sets with the model trains where only their eyes can move?? We don't watch those because P has dubbed them 'cweepy'. So we watch the new episodes with Mr. Perkins and they are my saving grace. That hour before dinner when I'm scrambling to put something together is Thomas hour at our house and I'm not ashamed to say that. THOMAS. HOUR. PEOPLE.

But the more I watch Thomas the more annoyed I get with all of the gaps in the story. I get it. They're meant for kids who won't notice and I'm the weird person with no life who is over-analyzing a show about talking trains. But really. I'm angry. Some things just don't add up:

1. WHERE ARE THE DRIVERS IN ALL OF THIS? Really. The trains always to do the opposite of what they are told but seriously. They all have drivers! Where is the accountability? Instead of chewing out the train for disobeying, they should be chewing out the driver for allowing the train to do whatever they want. Which leads me to suggest that they should punish the trains, or at least train them to obey. OKAY THOMAS, so you want to go and race around the island instead of picking up the Dowager for tea? Ok. Here are some fireworks in your furnace. Lesson learned.

2. How can the trains be Really Useful when they are always disobedient??? They basically have to do the same job twice because they mess it up the first time. I guess they are really useful because they get the job done but they aren't really efficient. I think Sir Topham Hat just throws the word "useful" around so much that it really doesn't mean anything anymore. Or maybe on Sodor "useful" means "doing-the-same-task-twice-because-I-was-too-prideful-to-listen-the-first-time". We may never know.

3. Has anyone else noticed that Dowager Hat and Sir Topham Hat look exactly the same? Coincidence? Or does STH have multiple personalities and a cross-dressing addiction?

4. STH is basically the Czar of Sodor. I get that 'railroad tycoons' are usually insanely wealthy, but the man basically owns the entire island. Will no one stand up to him??? Aaaaaand he's created a monopoly because they seem to have an under-developed road system so you HAVE to use the railroad to go anywhere. I mean, they only have one bus for the entire island and Bertie isn't that big. Really, talk about putting all of your eggs in one freight car...they really need to have a variety of transportation options to choose from, if for nothing else than their emergency preparedness.

5. Poor Mr. Perkins. The guy is terrified of Sir Topham Hat, and rightly so. He's basically his slave. I have no idea about the state of his compensation but I know he doesn't get paid enough to dress up like a pirate, or Santa Claus, or any of the other odd requests that he fearfully accepts. Yet another example to back up my claim that STH is a bit of a fetishist. Really, HE MADE THE MAN'S BIRTHDAY CAKE. I think that Sir Topham Hat needs to separate his home and work life a little better.

And there you have it. A 27 year old woman writing a post about my love-hate relationship with a fictional talking train, living on his fictional island. This. is. my. life.